Passive Aggression

Narcissists are masters of passive aggression, and it serves them in various ways. It enables them to covertly devalue others, in order to control them by making them feel small. It fuels drama to provide narcissistic supply. And, because it is subtle and not overtly aggressive, it allows them to believe in their own image of ‘niceness’ so they can avoid having to feel any shame for their actions.

Silent treatments are a classic example of passive aggression, as is persistent lateness. Intentionally procrastinating when it comes to domestic tasks (or doing them ineffectively or deliberately badly so that their spouse takes over) are common narcissistic acts of passive aggression.

Sabotaging another’s work is very common, and name-calling and insults reframed as jokes are also a common passive aggressive tactic.

If you have divorced a narcissist, post-divorce, sadly, the passive aggression will continue in any way that a narcissist can engineer it. Sitting outside your house in their car after dropping the children off, whilst making a lengthy show of raucously laughing and chatting on the phone, is surprisingly common, as is failing to wash the children’s sports kit after a spending the weekend with them so that you have to wash and dry it late on a Sunday night. Booking your favourite hotel with their new partner and posting it on social media, is practically the norm, and so is delaying answering important emails about the children until the very last minute or until you are somewhere special or important - the variations are endless, and thick skin is a must.