Shallow Emotions

Many narcissists have reduced emotional depth; they feel most other emotions (apart from rage and jealousy) relatively shallowly, and they have to sometimes ‘play act’ other extremes of emotions. This is not to say that narcissists can’t feel their emotions at all; they do, and those relatively middle of the road emotions (happiness, contentment, annoyance, mild irritation, for example) are sincerely felt. But the difference here between narcissists and non-narcissists is the depth of the emotion. Narcissists can be happy one minute and angry the next, going right back to contentment in the next breath, depending on external circumstances. Their moods and emotions are labile.

Think of a non-narcissistic person who is feeling happy in the moment. To them their happiness is deeply felt, like a very thick layer of ice on a frozen lake. It takes quite a bad event to penetrate that thick layer of ice; that feeling of happiness, and to change that feeling into a negative emotion. Now consider the narcissist, who is also feeling happy. Their happiness is shallowly felt; the layer of ice is thin. From the surface, it still looks like ice; it still looks like happiness. But even a minor external event or perceived slight can crack that thin ice and allow another emotion to surface.

Partners of narcissists frequently report occasions where the narcissist switched moods instantly, for example going from a foul mood to transforming into the life and soul of the party, with a change in external circumstance, such as a third party arriving. Their previous emotion was so shallowly held that it was easy to change. 

Many partners of narcissists also report that they never really, properly cry. A narcissist who feels they should be desperately sobbing (e.g. when a partner threatens to leave them) may make a sobbing sound with slightly watery eyes. A narcissist who is trying to beam with joy may turn the corners of their mouths upwards, raise their cheekbones, open their mouths and show all their teeth, possibly with a delirious look in their eyes, whilst telling people how joyful they are. With these extremes of emotions, you might get the feeling that you are watching someone deliberately trying to ‘act like other people’. It just doesn’t feel quite real, and it may seem overplayed or insincere.