Splitting

Narcissists fluctuate between seeing people as either ‘all good’ or ‘all bad’.

They are unable to see people (or indeed themselves) as having both good and bad points at the same time, and instead they alternate between seeing the person as either being ‘all good’ (when they are on the narcissist’s pedestal) or ‘all bad’, when they have fallen off the pedestal and are exhibiting an annoying human flaw.

Related to this is the fact that narcissists also have problems with what is known as ‘Object Constancy’. This means that they are unable to have positive feelings towards someone when they feel disappointed, angry, hurt or frustrated by them. 

Those who have struggled at the hands of a narcissist will recognise this instantly. They can feel as though the narcissist loves them one day, and then feel utterly despised the next, because they have exhibited some minor human imperfection or have offended the narcissist in some way. Children can feel these fluctuations acutely, on a pedestal one day and reviled the next if they try to express themselves, stand up for themselves or misbehave.