Hoovering

When a narcissist is on the verge of being left by their victim the threat of the loss of narcissistic supply will lead to ‘hoovering’. Hoovering is the term given to the narcissist’s tactic of sucking the target back into the relationship, so that they can continue to use them as a source of narcissistic supply.

At this point the narcissist will turn back into the perfect partner, if yours is a romantic relationship. They will become seductive and charming. They will seem caring and helpful. They will put the bins out, load the dishwasher and stop texting their young attractive subordinates in front of their spouse. They will stop all devaluing behaviours, and will apologise for the error of their ways, claiming stress or any other suitable excuse. Sadly, the trauma bonded victim is often fooled and delighted that they still have a future with the narcissist - but this is merely a temporary reprieve. And of course, hoovering also applies to any other type of relationship with a narcissist.

It is widely quoted that it takes seven attempts to leave a narcissist, if you are in an intimate relationship. But no matter what type of relationship you had with the narcissist know this - the narcissist’s power over you will eventually fade, but it can take months or even years.