Sense of Entitlement

To a narcissist what’s theirs is theirs and what’s yours is also theirs. Their sense of entitlement can show itself in many ways - some narcissists expect the best of everything, others may jump queues, or complain if they have to wait in line. Being rude to waiters and waitresses is an oft quoted red flag of NPD, but many narcissists will much more cleverly manipulate situations to make sure that they are treated in the manner they desire.

These narcissists, rather than treating service staff badly, will treat them especially well, so that they receive the special treatment they feel entitled to as a result. I recall the narcissist whose hairdresser would bend over backwards for her, cancelling other clients to fit her in, because she always was so ‘nice’ to them and tipped so generously. She also knew that being extra charming to restaurant waiters meant that she would get the best table in the restaurant without her having to throw a tantrum. To her, being fawned over was narcissistic supply in itself.

Narcissists also often feel entitled to be late, leaving others anxiously waiting for them to arrive, postponing the festivities until their grand entrance. Many despise having to wait themselves and so arrive at events at the very last minute - as the bride is walking down the aisle, as the curtain is lifting, as the judge is about to call you in to court, or as their child is about to blow their first note into their clarinet at the school recital. They are entitled to arrive late as they are special. If you are divorced expect your children to be picked up or dropped off hours late, with no advance warning and be prepared for much pacing around and annoyance, as you wait for your narcissistic ex to show up.

As much as narcissists may feel entitled to be treated in certain ways and to have certain things, they also feel entitled to not have to do certain things. To not have to work, to not have to pay their way, to not have to do domestic chores, to not have to change the baby, to not have to pay child support - each narcissist has their own unique list of things they feel entitled not to do. Many will work very hard in some areas (the ones which bring in the most narcissistic supply), and not at all in others. Of course, in order for these other important things to happen, they have to exploit others to get them done for them. In the work environment, narcissists will also feel entitled to avoid the jobs that do not bring them an easy win of narcissistic supply, leaving others to fill in for them.

If you are separating from a narcissistic spouse, after separation you are likely to find yourself continuing to take on most of the mundane jobs to do with the children - helping with homework, sorting the school charity fancy dress outfits, organising their medical, dental and opticians’ appointments, consoling them when things go wrong, attending parents’ evenings, paying for all the extra curricular activities, taking care of the school uniforms. If it’s too mundane for the narcissist, they simply will not do it.